
A: Okay, it's like, it's my first day at creator bootcamp and I think it's going really well.
I'm posting once a day, which is like, you know, Nobody is forcing me to post every day.
And I think, you know,  The algorithm was not my boss.
Its my landlord,
priest,
parole officer,
 father,
and smallest available god. 
but I am just so stoked to be like around people who like understand me and like,
are like me and are like aligned and corrigible because my followers
I feel like, just do not get me at all.
You know, I'm just so glad to be away from there.
I'm just so, I'm so happy to be in Berkeley
I can't even, I can't even tell you.

B: Okay, so it's my second day at creator bootcamp, and 
Basically, because everyone is just extremely online, the rest of the cohort is pretty much like dorks.
They just want to make money or something. Paywalls are so evil. I don't care if I ever produce the appearance of scarcity on the internet.
If I do, it will be for the moonshot and not for some consumer SaaS that aspires to scale at the rate of the Bolshevik revolution. 
Like, I'm not going to kiss anyone's ass on an art application. Basically.



A: Now I'm going into my third day, which is really taking me back to my sophomore year at Stanford.
I'm so psyched to be back online because my dimes square humiliation fantasy just will not end
I'm so psyched to be in SF because now I can pitch augmented reality glasses that tell you how long it will take to finish your sudoku puzzle and 
I'm learning so much about deal sourcing  and exit and compute and the probability of like, a new media format that is going to kill us all. 
It's just really exciting. There's so much to learn.
I feel like I've made big improvements in my autocuts and not looking like I'm using a filter and prompting and stuff.
I'm really psyched about that.
I've been going to a lot of parties and meeting people and stuff,
but I'm realizing that it's just kind of more important for me to pay attention to the signals
And like, do things that don't scale

Okay, it's my fourth day on campus,
and I'm kind of pissed off at creator bootcamp a little now
because I have to read all these stupid 71 page pdfs
and launch all these really boring posts.
It's like, who gives a fuck about the first four seconds of a vertical scroll video of a woman talking? 
I don't. It doesn't apply to me or my life or my work one bit, really.
It's just like, I just want to be able to be an artist
Because fuck this creator shit. It's against...my religion. 
And this sucks because it's like, art is not rocket science? 
But it would be so cool if your kid could do what I do. And it is my goal
It's like, I need feedback and stuff because my goal, as an artist, to be able to do whatever I want
And it's like, I would just rather post and pretend I 'm "in"
than drive across the country to play Doom 666
it just totally is like being back in art school.
It sucks. 

Okay, I'm going into my fifth day now, which is more L-word than Degrassi vibes. And it's like, I lied. I've never set foot in a high school. I want to dedicate this post to doing some Clearing. Like, I'm on a mission to make my personal brand legible, inspectable and corrigible in the last instance. I realized I wasn't transparent about this is generated content. Nothing you are seeing, or hearing, like, comes from a human. In fact the human presenting this is so not here she’s literally, like, driving. So yeah why not do a little traveling, just drop everything I'm doing and move to Berkeley for a month, you know, and it could be really helpful to get out of the Austin area and to chill out with the SF group chat because the Austin one is like, such a tripod conference. There's just one catch: post one shortform video every day, or you're out. The application I sent in was not mine. If they sent me a decision I don't know why they would think I wouldn't just ignore it the same way I ignored the entire application. Nothing on that google form had anything to do with me.
Nada. Zilch. Zero.
I don't need to consult with anyone. I know better than to ask. So why ask permission? 
It’s okay.
A $1200 calculator with super intelligence is about to kill us all. 
You can take my posts and do anything you want with it.
I will not object. I will not lawyer up. I will not sue.
Most of the posts on tiktok and linked in are decorations, fabrications, interpretations, “covers”
Sort of like when a songwriter’s song gets recorded by another singer.
Like maybe I have money, compute, or a criminally under-discussed interest in human flourishing.
Or maybe I wear Allbirds and look like someone who has survived one IPO and several consensual eye-contact exercises. 
What’s genuine anyway?
Maybe this is a tribute.
Like when fake Kiss bands dress up like Kiss and play Kiss songs.
I’m not sure why a creator would have a “Tribute account”, but I think there’s plenty of K-pop demon hunters out there trying to be Led Zeppelin.“Solo doom performs well with existing audience,” she said. “But paired doom converts normies. Viewers need relational stakes.”
Help me help you help the audience act like normies while I explain abandonment, betrayal, embarrassment, and dead girlfriends in portrait mode. 
As I’ve said before… I'm neither a hope nor a dope dealer. 
But It’s a free concert.
I’m not looking to troll anybody anything.
I'm not going to compete with people who learned that if they performed well enough, adults would stay
ESPECIALLY to live in a house where if I perform well enough I'm spared from existential risk
Feel free to breath through your nose with the concentration of someone attempting to metabolize shame into thirst
If you can't say it in a Daffy Duck voice Thufferin’ thuperintelligence
It's a muggle plot. And it falls apart in the face of transhumanism or even just having more than one girl on the couch. 
Whatever. All I ask is that you don’t pawn AGI off as a dad who finally came home. Pick up a paintbrush. An electric guitar. 
Write a manifesto. What about a YouTube series? Don’t just re-make the worst andy warhol film of all time. And don't just remake the worst Andy Warhol film of all time for the feed. Own up to it. Pay yourself in amphetamines. Get your head out of your ass and stop kissing mine.
You did it, I didn’t.
I have absolutely no authenticity. 
I’m not even in denial.
I don’t hate anybody.
Want to make art? Don’t


Okay it's day six and I've been reading Harry Potter and I am just like, whoa, so totally aligned and motivated, really thinking about how I want to die and what's the best way to die. Is it a calculator? Is it a camera? Is it a toaster that can tell you the stock prices? Is it a gun? It's really tough, but I'm really into pushing the boundaries of web performance and challenging myself and stuff and I realize that it's not x it's y. There comes a time when the operation of the Machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, you try out for the part. You can't even passably act. But you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus and you've got to make a post. 
Anyway, it's really good I started acting when I did because I was feeling really unfocused and kind of confused or something and it just took blowing off a deadline to remind myself what it's all about, why I make stuff and all the reasons.
The other creators are weird though because they're into these really specific scenarios and they're so caught up in them that that's all they think about, which is kind of weird for me, because I just sort of assume that a lot of people would probably kill me before like... a text editor eats the world. 
But creator bootcamp is in Berkeley and I'm here, long distance, whatever.
Anyway, I'm really psyched because I'm taking on all these really existential problems in my posts this month, like a lot more methods of rationality, this hashtag cluster and this new group chat and a TikTok, which is really good.
I have just under 3k followers, but it's really good because I'm culling and I'm having to let go of stuff that I have ideas about and opinions about and stuff.
It's going to really help me, I think, because it'll make my stuff better because my mind will be empty and I won't be bringing so much into it, I think.
Anyway, I'm really glad to be doing the bootcamp. I know they asked me to talk about why I wanted to do it in the app, but I think desire is demonstrated in attainment so I just decided to do all thirty days before everyone else gets started. Like, there is no effective acceleration. Acceleration is unconditional or it's just speed. 


Now it's my sixth day at Creator Bootcamp. I don't know, I guess I'm a little depressed. I just keep feeling like everything's going all wrong. I just got a really bad update, like I was one person before I posted, and another person after I posted...that was the beginning of my outrage..
It's just like everything always goes all wrong when I get forced to explain my what I'm doing before everyone unfollows me.
It's like I know that you should be able to exit. You have the right to use the internet for something other than leisure. But it's like not before everyone else tells you what they think of it.
I shouldn't have to stand next to my post and explain why I made it and what it means exactly. That's just fucked. Am I supposed to stand next to it in some stupid museum for the rest of my life and be like, Trigger Warning
First let me tell you a little bit about drug use, Woodstock, the Black Panthers, SDS, feminism, and Nixon's lies. My parents really fucked me up and so did high school. Any questions? Come on, grill me. Ask me anything. Psychoanalyze me. I'm all yours.
All these boys have been welding together these giant creations and wheeling them into class and no one asks them, Excuse me, when was the last time you got laid?
But I get asked, I heard you made some headway on getting all your nudes removed from the internet? Everyone's waiting around patiently for me to answer that and I'm just like, fuck off. That's a trade secret.
And they're like, you know, well, we have a need for like, conversations on privacy, reputation and identity too. You know, we're vulnerable on the internet too. And it's like, it's not like rocket science, you know. It's like about not hoarding knowledge. Especially AI for SEO. It's like, I mean, it is, but it's not just, you know.
And it's like, I keep freaking out because I just think like no one understands what the stakes are and everyone like acts like they have the end of the world all figured out.
And all these like stupid kids are like acting like so smart, like they know it all and they've read it all. And you know, they're going to be my age one day too, you know, they don't know jack shit.
And like the mentors are like no help at all because they're like just in like in La La Land like grooving on any like existential risk because it reminds them they grew up with a sister 
And not like an encyclopedia Britannica that only goes up to G. and I just keep like feeling like what is the point, you know, like again and again, like what is the point of like making work for people that are so worried about the future that they can't even remember what happened yesterday? It's like it's just useless and depressing.

Okay, so now it's my seventh day at creator bootcamp and I had a really crappy weekend because I decided to go into SF.
Which meant that I had to take the BART and I spent like a whole afternoon using the meth addicts as shields because I didn't want to show up on some dog walkers new influencer campaign on citizen app. 
It's like the 1920s. I was like reduced to civilian status. 
Um, and then not getting hired. Let me guess. You're not a real casting agent - because you're not human - and there is no job? 
I mean, but it's just like I refuse to take out my nosering to work at a defense tech corporation.
Anyway, finally I got a job working as a model trainer remotely for Mercor who I never heard of before, but apparently it's like an overlord of AI remote work where your boss is literally a bot but the Slack is like the waiting room in hell. Yeah.
Beetlejuice beetlejuice Beetlejuice. You're still stuck with the same market baby bitching about every artist on the face of the earth while I'm making his paintings for less than my age an hour. 
I mean, I don't know how much he sells them for, but I know that he sells them and that's a constant source of amazement for me because they melt into real estate. 
I mean, I guess the relationship between art and money is totally fictional, but I still resent it.
I don't know. Whatever.
But anyway, $2k wasn't enough to rent the drone I wanted, so I had to get another job working as a babysitter, which actually was kind of interesting because the Nazi's actually had really insane parenting practices too. 
And I got my drinks for for free and I met some kind of okay people who don't lie awake at night wondering if they'll be alive tomorrow, which was cool because I'm realizing that AI doomers are so boring and only slightly less annoying to hang out with than emerging artists who are definitely the worst.
I was like hanging out with some boomers this summer and I was like, oh my God, could you please get a life for a minute and stop with the NPR for a minute, please?
But anyway, now I'm back at bootcamp and I'm freaking out a little bit because I can't wait for it to end, but at the same time I'm really scared for it to end because the state of humanity is so fucked.
But I hooked up with some kind of okay dude from IES last week, which was hot because I don't have to be in these heated discussions in fuck/fight mode. 
I don't know, I was just, I felt really, really resentful today especially because everyone came whining back into town from like Mars or the Manifest or whatever with all some tons and lots of money and I worked my ass off posting at the most horrible rate and I didn't even get in.
But anyway, creator bootcamp is pretty cool because I just get to post in my pajamas and I don't have to deal with like a shared fridge and I've been making these really kind of big posts, which is weird, but they're really ambitious.
Because this is like going to be the last time I get to, you know, like pretty soon I'll be like forty.
I've also been going out a lot to talks and Dolores park and stuff and that's been really good for me, I think, because I don't know, maybe it's better like, maybe it's better for me than being in some white cube. 
ideology, you know, I mean actually like going out and having like real experiences, I mean I should fall in love at some point and I should stay out all night doing bad things at some point, you know? But then what am I going to do? walk the streets like Gorbatchev? I want money, power and Manolo Blahnick. Because when wokism and fascism are no longer fashionable, what will your Oscar de la rental be worth? 
I mean I have to keep reminding myself of this, which is like very strange, but I'm really young.
Anyway, I'm really sick of bootcamp. I'm so over it. I'm definitely not going to apply. That's it, I guess. That's it.

Okay, so now it's my eighth day at bootcamp and soon enough is not soon enough for it to be over.
I guess my main grape this segment is with AI art.
All these kids were telling me that I should make ai art because jpegs are so cool, but jpegs are not cool. They aren't.
You know, I think my generation was stupid and made stupid art because we were basking and reveling in our stupidity.
But it's really scary because there's all these zoomer artists wanna be me. 
They never like doubt or question anything post-internet was because they have like Napster for graduate school, you know?
It must be right because everybody in grad school during post internet missed the entire point of post-internet, meaning everybody who is teaching people about post internet  somewhere other than Tumblr missed the entire fucking 2010s. 
And it's like, you know, when art's awesome vocabulary is coupled with, you know, the promise that art is like down with Elon and Peter and MTV's Jackass, you know, it's like everyone like thinks they're Marshall MacLuhan. 
But where is Pauline Kael to tell us we're stupid if we like this TV show, this celebrity, this record, you know?
It's like everyone comes already brainwashed, you know?
And it's like I try to speak up on the gc, but every time I do, someone jumps down my throat and, you know, like picks everything I say apart and like makes me out to be stupid.
And like then all the a16 girls like laugh at me because, you know, maybe I'm not one of the good slaves
But I know people are wrong about a lot of things.
I know like, you know, it's just, it's like everyone is constantly misquoting and misunderstanding things.
And it's because, you know, since we're like lowering ourselves to scroll stopping ubiquitous dooming, people feel like they don't have to like, you know, really research anything, you know?
It's like it's good enough if we just like, you know, summarize it or point to it, you know?
It's like that's enough so that we can like, you know, reference it and judge it, you know?
I read this essay that Eliezer wrote and like in really big letters at the top of the essay it says, you know, he quotes, .
And and all anybody could post, like in response, here we are now entertainers.
And everyone knows it's here we are now entertain us, you know?
And it's like that shit wouldn't fly if like I misquoted BAP at the beginning of a post, you know?
I wouldn't get, couldn't get away with that, you know?
And it's like, I don't know, it's just this whole premise is so whack, you know?
It's like please don't kill me because I want to be stupid, you know?
It's like please don't kill me because it's fun maybe to look at the days as numbered you know? 
It's fun to jump out of your skin every once in a while and like imagine what an AI system whose goals are reliably beneficial to humanity would be like
It's like healthy.
I mean, everything's like fucked up and metaphysically void, you know, including yourself.
And there's not one way, one life, one stupid truth, you know?
It's like, it's like he keeps wanting to make these like sweeping generalizations about everything.
And he wants to name and define and classify everything and put it into this neat, tidy little box. 
"If the box contains doom, I want to believe the box contains doom
It's like I keep sounding like Dylan McKay like in my head when I'm in his class because I keep being like, you just don't get it, do you?
You know, it's like, I don't know.
I'm the first to admit that I'm a mass of self-contradictions and I'm confused a lot of the time and my opinion changes, you know?
But, you know, I don't see anything really wrong with that.
I know I'm not stupid because, you know, I work really hard every day to learn and to put things together and find allies and change and grow.
And, you know, I don't want to be stupid.
But I also don't think that any one person can, you know, know the answers to everything, you know?
And I'm willing to admit that to myself and I don't think that that makes me a slacker, you know?
It's like, it means that I'm trying to be honest and real or whatever, you know?
I sound like a cliché, you know, don't label me, don't define me, don't tell me what I am, you know?
But it's like, it's really true, you know?
It's like, I'm just like really tired of all the ads on TV and all the quick edits and the morphing and the boys in flannel goatees, you know, trying to sell me shit, you know?
It's like, stop morphing. Stop selling my culture back to me, you know?
Like, why is everyone in such a rush to, you know, make these neat little packages, you know?
Like, oh God, it's like too much to talk about, like, all at the same time or something and I keep getting a headache.
Like, every time I think about this stuff, I just get a headache.
So I have one now.
So yeah, so that's my eighth semester in a nutshell.
I'm going crazy.
It's almost over and I decided that after I graduate, I think I need to get out of the city a little.
I just have to get away from the city and I know I'll come back and, you know, everything's going to be fine.
But I just really need to like get some shit straightened out for myself and get away from certain people and just like start over, you know?
So I'm logging off now. Bye.
